stupid little freaks

People.

This "Little Mister, Little Miss" thing?

IT IS HORRENDOUSLY GAY, STUPID, AND PASSE.

Now, can we, as a culture, PLEASE move on?

I have seen about 56 updates involving Little Mr and Little Miss pictures, and I am getting BLOODY BORED OF IT. I do not want to know who is The Smiley One, The Fatass One, or The Weehee Let's Tag Everyone I Know Into A Little Miss Or Little Mister Picture Yay One. I do not CARE.

I have received about a gazibillion photos from Facebook telling me that I have been tagged in a dumb photo and casted as a primary-coloured blob. It is not particularly flattering. And while it might have been amusing the first, second, and third time, by the 4286798346273562th time it got quite annoying.

In fact, even the Mr Messy picture I was planning to put up in our control room is starting to look like a dumb and sheep-like attempt to follow a craze that originated in the 80s or so. Already RALA wants to have a Mr Loser and Miss Uncreative tshirt. If anyone else proposes a tshirt like that, I will flip and go Miss Jack The Ripper on them.

--

Sigh. Maybe the only reason I'm in such a grumpy mood today is because it's thundering, it's raining, I want bubble tea, I have two exams tomorrow, and I've developed a sudden inexplainable pain in my left leg which impedes my walking.

Then again, I really think Little Mr/Miss is really, really lame.

emergency contact

Hello all RGS girls.

If you are one of those annoying dipshits who have yet to fill up the Emergency Contact List, CAN YOU JUST PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FILL IT UP?

I am bloody sick and tired of seeing that damn Emergency Contact List announcement at the top of the page of inet. If I ever find out that you are one of those shitty annoying people who have contributed to my angst and anger, I will club you over the head with a baby seal until you are knocked senseless.

On to less morbid things. I think baby seals are actually really cute and fluffy, and I wouldn't want to waste a good baby seal on annoying people who can't read font size 648957238965234 violet and red font, so maybe I'll tie them to a porcupine or something.

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During RS we were having a little argument over who should go downstairs to wait for our student mentors and then usher them up to a classroom. Xinyuan wanted to go down, Crystal wanted to go down, I wanted to go down, and Yoon Jung was going to go upstairs to look for Charisse. We wanted to split the work equally-- 2 people to go upstairs, 2 people to go downstairs.

Me: I want to go down.
Crystal: I want to go down.
Xinyuan: I want to go down:
Me/Crystal: You don't even know what our mentors look like. ._.
Xinyuan: Someone has to go with me!
Me/Crystal: I'll go! *glares at each other*
Crystal: Well if YOU go, who's going to go up with Yoon Jung?

Xinyuan and I exchanged glances, and simultaneously yelled: "YOU!" and ran off. And then we skipped happily into the foyer. Xinyuan was walking in front of me, and she turned around to say something to me when she suddenly started laughing hysterically at something.

*terrified expression* "... she's behind me, isn't she?"

Yes, yes she was. -_- She nearly punched me or something, I dunno. I didn't stick around long enough to get punched. Our entire MPP group spent the whole of RS block waiting in the foyer for our mentors, who stood us up. Sigh.

Went to SAM for SAP today! I thought it was going to be super ulu, because cmon seriously NO ONE goes to an art museum unless made to by their teachers. Mr Wong told us worriedly that it would be rather crowded, and to stick together like a "kettle of fish", and none of us believed him because... art museums are just not crowded.

Then we got off the bus, and saw this huge crowd of HCJC people coming towards us.

We walked in, and encountered another group of students.

We walked further in, and these two cute little short HCI guys trotted past us with highpants.

Mr Wong was explaining some art piece to us, when this teacher, trailing a whole load of Yishun Sec (?) students came in and went all, "OHAI MR WONG! YOU'RE HERE TOO!"

dodgeball

I'm aware that there are guys who read this blog, and therefore may feel somewhat discomfited about what I am going to post about shortly. Therefore, I shall highlight the offending paragraphs in bright red so you know for sure which ones they are, and will be able to scroll past comfortably without any damage to your sanity, purity (cough) and impression of RGS.

You have been warned.






In any case, I shall try to break this as gently as possible.

WHY IS RGS ASKING FOR OUR FREAKING BUST SIZE, OF ALL THINGS? What is wrong with going with the normal shirt size? Is this simply an attempt to pry out more private information out of RGS girls, and make those who don't have it feel inferior? (Don't have information about what your bust size is. Not don't have a bust.)

It also engenders awkward conversations to those who don't already have prior knowledge of this. Take for example this fine specimen (really happened):

Person A: Hi B! Please tell X that my bust size is *insert number here*!
Person B: *splutters*

And that is mainly the gist of what we were shouting about before exams today.

Person X: I think my bust size is maybe... 40cm?
Person Y: YOUR HEAD IS 40CM IN CIRCUMFERENCE. ARE YOUR BOOBS THE SAME SIZE AS YOUR HEAD?!
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Guys, you can continue reading here. Hehe I actually kinda just realised that I have nothing to blog about today apart from the whole fiasco outlined in red above (YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT) except that Dr Sakhar was very nice and smsed us all in RALA the night before:

"Hey ralativists, gd luck with tom's paper and don't fret! You'll be find, we do pizza end of term to celebrate, ya? Actually it's just an excuse, but who gives a shite, as the Irish would say ha ha! Take care, and god bless for tom!"

Somehow I was one of the few who actually managed to figure out that it was Dr Sakhar and didn't sms something like "GOOD LUCK TO YOU TOO!!!" back. I thought it was pretty obvious really, considering how Dr Sakhar's the only one who uses so many bad words -_-

Crystal was imba la. Couldn't even figure out what "tom" stood for. She was asking me and fretting about it during freetime today, and to shut her up, I told her:

Me: Tom as in Mr TJ Lee la.
Crystal: Ohhhhhhhh.

-5 minutes later-

Crystal: WAIT, YOU MEAN MR LEE SET OUR LIT PAPER?!
Me: Aiya obviously tom as in TOMorrow la!

On a side note, it's kinda disturbing how everyone seems to call Mr Lee "Tommy". It makes one think more of his SON.

Hehe some class was boasting about how Mr Lee liked them so much he showed them a picture of his son. But they were telling me and Xinyuan this, and it was obviously a Bad Idea because we'd seen a picture of his son before also -_- crouched up super cutely in a little cupboard or something. PLUS WE'D SEEN HIM IN THE FLESH HA HA HA.

"They should call you Mario because you just got 1UP-ed."

and they wonder

Cherylchan had to leave early during SLI rehearsal for some reason, and she tried sneaking up on me again but HAH I CAUGHT HER.

Anyway she was all "So Vic how? I leave you here you're okay right?"

I thought she was being warm and concerned and fuzzy so I replied in the affirmative.

Cherylchan: "If not okay I KILL YOU ARH!"

Sigh and everyone wonders why I'm scared of her. Actually I'm not really THAT scared of her. Not like absolutely terrified of her or anything. Except when she's being all serious and threatening and whatever. Hmm :/

So I sighed in a very long-suffering tone and whispered to Belinda, who'd heard the whole death threat: "Yah. Now you see why she's scary?" Belinda nodded fervently and got whacked by Cherylchan. Who then grinned at us and left, with that cute little fat pink bear bouncing off her red crumpler. HOW CAN ANYONE CARRYING SUCH A CUTE BEAR BE SO VIOLENT?!

Random quotes from the day since I'm half-dazed (Oh Mr Lee offered to give me back my SS FA, but I staunchly refused it. I hope he doesn't deduct my marks more upon further investigation.)

Random person below: "AV PEOPLE, CAN WE INCREASE THE VOLUME OF THE MIKE?"
Mr Lee: "NO."

Huichen: "EH! Stop tapping the mike! If you tap the mike, we'll tap you! We'll get our chairperson to tap you!" *cue disturbing imagery of Cherylchan going up behind the emcee, tapping her on the head, and watching the emcee disappear into the ground*

"I BONG YOU! HANDS UP! THIS IS A BONGGERY!"

awesome AV seniors

My dear bloodthirsty AV seniors noticed my numerous plasters as soon as I saw them, and asked me what happened.

Without even waiting for an explanation, they immediately came up with their own.

"HAH I bet during Chem you were like all 'Oh, my chemicals over there', reached over, and got burnt by the bunsen burner. Then you saw a plaster on the other side, said 'Oh, must get plaster', and then got burnt again!"

Walau. Abit no confidence in my Chemistry abilities.

In any case, the first AV seniors I saw could only come up with that. Then they saw Mr Lee, who enquired about the bright yellow plasters I had on. "Well, I'm allergic to the-"

Seniors: "NOOO WE TELL YOU!"

And then they started on the Bunsen Burner story. However, they couldn't explain the plasters near my shoulder, because according to them, "where got people get burned by bunsen burner there one!"

The dearest, most bloodthirsty AV senior: "She spilt conc. acid on herself. >)"

Sigh. And my Chem practical exam is in a few weeks. How cheery.

But in any case, the next time people ask me about my plasters, I shall sigh and go, "It involves bunsen burners and conc. acid. You don't want to know."

hm

I feel mischievous today!

(Maybe Mr Lee's repeating "HAHA I SHALL BE NAUGHTY AND DENY *insert teacher's name here* OF SUPPORT FOR *insert function here*" finally rubbed off on me, but hey!)

I found Cherylchan's profile on facebook with minimal snooping, and I'm thinking if I should sneakily create a fake account and suggest Hann Lam as a friend for her, since according to her profile she has no friends.

Aww.

Maybe Hann Lam could have the honour of being the first!

Haha but I won't do it. Because she is an expert on sneaky behaviour. Today she snuck up behind Ningxin and zapped her just for the hell of it.

Come to think of it, she was also the one who thought of daring Crystal to SNEAK up behind this guy listening to an iPod, pull out his earphones and start singing in his ears. Needless to say, unsneaky Crystal failed horribly and the guy saw her and pulled out his earphones by himself.

But in any case it's never a good idea to try something sneaky on someone equally, if not more *horrified look* sneaky. Plus I don't want to get snuck up upon and zapped/have my earphones pulled out.

Well, pulling out my earphones I don't really mind. It's just the Crystal singing part. Zing! >)

This post is written in a very un-Perspicacious style. Plus it's nothing really important or whatever. I just thought the word "sneak" was very cute and wanted to use it as many times as possible in a post. How sneaky is that?

happy unattached losers week

Warning: This post may insult PSLs and other people who are absolutely turned on excited about Friendship Week. I have nothing against PSLs/other enthu people in general. It's only when they get really enthu that they annoy me. And Friendship Week happens to be one of those times.

So if you're a PSL/enthu person with no sense of humour, don't read on.

--

Why, everyone, happy Unattached Losers Week! Yes, I know the official name is *really* Friendship Week, but why use euphemisms? It so happens to be the week just before Valentines' Day, and come on, everyone can tell that it's just a way of comforting the poor, sad, hoardes of people who don't have a significant other!

Yeah, boyfriends are kind of hard to come by in a girls' school, if you've noticed. Which is kind of why everyone is crushing on anyone within arm's length with a Y-chromosone, and thinking that they have *sexy voice* sexy voices.

But in any case. To be politically correct, we shall hereon refer to Unattached Losers Week as Friendship Week. Following me, people?

We have a whole long line of activities designed to make you feel comforted this Friendship Week! It's okay if you don't have a significant other with a Y-chromosone; a significant other with two X-chromosones works JUST FINE AS WELL! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! And if you can't even get one of those, it's okay. You (probably) have friends! And friends are just as good as have a relationship! Yah! Really! Don't look so skeptical! We shall now start to prove to you that it's all fine and dandy in your sad little world.

To start the week off, we will have Sexually-Assault-Your-Friends Day! As the name suggests, you go around pouncing on friends, and then sticking them with a sticker that states that they now belong to you, and you reserve the right to pimp them howsoever you wish are LOVED.

And to make this more exciting for the comnerdgeeks out there, we'll be giving each sexually-assault person TWO STICKERS, which they can go around sticking on the people THEY sexually assault! YOU GET A BINARY TREE! ISN'T THAT SO EXCITING?

(Sidenote: I got away relatively unscathed during that day. I only got hugged by Joanna, because she's nice. :D After that, I drew a little biohazard symbol on a sticker, and whenever people tried to hug me, I told them I had Ebola. At first I wanted to say SARS, since it's contagious and what not, but I kept mixing it up with AIDS since they're both plural-ish 4 letter fatal diseases. After a few weird looks from people after I told them I had AIDS, I decided to switch to Ebola. More biohazard-ish anyway.)

SO, my dear unattached losers, go forth and prosper! Make believe that you have a relationship when you actually don't! Do not be tempted or swayed by the mushy bullshit that will inevitably surface, now that *shudder* Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Do not feel pangs when you see twits going all "IIE LURBB EUUZX LA0G0NGZXSZXSZXSZ". Remember, you have your FRIENDS.

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Disclaimer #2: LOL I didn't actually mean all the crap I said up there. I just thought it'd be funny. I think Valentine's Day is sweet if you're attached, but otherwise annoying because attached people keep pushing other unattached people's noses into the fact that we're attached. I shall hurl a mouldy banana at any young couples I see being mushy and soppy to the point of puke-inducing in public on Valentine's Day.

mandopop (?)

Out of an act of goodwill, I shall now teach all readers of perspicacious how to write a teenage-girl-killer chinese song.

Step 1. Find a suitable metaphor, relate it to love.

Don't let conventions hamper you. Use anything that seems romantic enough, like wilted flowers (representing the death of your significant other/end of your relationship) or children playing at the playground (fond memories of you and your significant other playing tag when 5. Although, on a somewhat unrelated sidenote, why do people fall in love with their childhood playmates? Isn't it somewhat... incestuous? I figured once you see someone making and eating a mudpie, you wouldn't want to go out with them.)

Step 2. Scribble down random things regarding the metaphor/love.

If your lover has left you, you might want to whine about how "yadda yadda you said you'd love me forever oh boohoo our love is like a wilted flower". Or if you've just fallen in love, you can chatter on unneccessarily about how you call your significant other about a gazibillion times a day, but why doesn't he/she call me back?

Step 3. Select a few choice phrases, and repeat them through the song a few times. Not too many, just about a thousand or so.

For example, if you are an uncreative blob and can only think of the cheesy "WO AI NI", repeat that in a variety of tones. Maybe high, higher, low, high, low low low low...

Step 4: Read through the first draft of your song. Go through the checklist below:

4a: Is your song whiny? Yes/No
4b: Is it sufficiently repetitive? Yes/No
4c: Does it utilize enough metaphors? Yes/No
4d: Is there a specific message targeted at your lover? Yes/No

If you answered no to any of the above, work through the song again to correct it.

Step 5: BONUS: If you intend to make a music video as well, and your song happens to be of the emo variety (eg why did you leave me, i loved you so much blah blah blah), make sure that you have a shot of the main character kneeling in the rain.

Because the main character (ie the singer) never thinks to bring out an umbrella, and we must acknowledge that even though it might be scorching hot and 43* outside (Melbourne!), there is a really, really, REALLY high chance of rain.

Also, if your lead singer happens to be female, make sure she keeps her eyes open in a way that screams- I mean, whispers. Shunus never raise their voices above 10dB. It would be *huge, wide-eyed look of horror* so... *whispers softly* uncivilised......... Anyway, whispers "protect me, I'm helpless......" Always have her trail a long string of dots behind. Dress her in white dresses in order to make her look innocent and frail, and make sure she has long flowy "reborn-ed" hair.

On the other hand, if your lead singer is male, highlight his hair brown. Make it stick up in spikes at the back, but ensure that his fringe is long, straight, and covers one of his eyes. He must be dressed in dark shades (a little bit of leather never goes wrong. Wrap him up in a cow, baby.) and look perpetually sulky. It's okay if he looks a little dumb, or if he looks somewhat gangstery. Girls will want to take him in and attempt to make him "gai guo zi xin".

Tada! You've got an instant bestseller! Teens will love it! They'll listen to it, scream that it "SPEAKS TO ME, OH, ON SO MANY LEVELS" and go around singing it nonstop and playing it from the loudspeakers on their handphones in the bus, so as to expose more people to the beauty of lovesick music.