happy unattached losers week

Warning: This post may insult PSLs and other people who are absolutely turned on excited about Friendship Week. I have nothing against PSLs/other enthu people in general. It's only when they get really enthu that they annoy me. And Friendship Week happens to be one of those times.

So if you're a PSL/enthu person with no sense of humour, don't read on.

--

Why, everyone, happy Unattached Losers Week! Yes, I know the official name is *really* Friendship Week, but why use euphemisms? It so happens to be the week just before Valentines' Day, and come on, everyone can tell that it's just a way of comforting the poor, sad, hoardes of people who don't have a significant other!

Yeah, boyfriends are kind of hard to come by in a girls' school, if you've noticed. Which is kind of why everyone is crushing on anyone within arm's length with a Y-chromosone, and thinking that they have *sexy voice* sexy voices.

But in any case. To be politically correct, we shall hereon refer to Unattached Losers Week as Friendship Week. Following me, people?

We have a whole long line of activities designed to make you feel comforted this Friendship Week! It's okay if you don't have a significant other with a Y-chromosone; a significant other with two X-chromosones works JUST FINE AS WELL! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! And if you can't even get one of those, it's okay. You (probably) have friends! And friends are just as good as have a relationship! Yah! Really! Don't look so skeptical! We shall now start to prove to you that it's all fine and dandy in your sad little world.

To start the week off, we will have Sexually-Assault-Your-Friends Day! As the name suggests, you go around pouncing on friends, and then sticking them with a sticker that states that they now belong to you, and you reserve the right to pimp them howsoever you wish are LOVED.

And to make this more exciting for the comnerdgeeks out there, we'll be giving each sexually-assault person TWO STICKERS, which they can go around sticking on the people THEY sexually assault! YOU GET A BINARY TREE! ISN'T THAT SO EXCITING?

(Sidenote: I got away relatively unscathed during that day. I only got hugged by Joanna, because she's nice. :D After that, I drew a little biohazard symbol on a sticker, and whenever people tried to hug me, I told them I had Ebola. At first I wanted to say SARS, since it's contagious and what not, but I kept mixing it up with AIDS since they're both plural-ish 4 letter fatal diseases. After a few weird looks from people after I told them I had AIDS, I decided to switch to Ebola. More biohazard-ish anyway.)

SO, my dear unattached losers, go forth and prosper! Make believe that you have a relationship when you actually don't! Do not be tempted or swayed by the mushy bullshit that will inevitably surface, now that *shudder* Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Do not feel pangs when you see twits going all "IIE LURBB EUUZX LA0G0NGZXSZXSZXSZ". Remember, you have your FRIENDS.

--

Disclaimer #2: LOL I didn't actually mean all the crap I said up there. I just thought it'd be funny. I think Valentine's Day is sweet if you're attached, but otherwise annoying because attached people keep pushing other unattached people's noses into the fact that we're attached. I shall hurl a mouldy banana at any young couples I see being mushy and soppy to the point of puke-inducing in public on Valentine's Day.