we wear stockings

Today during spotcheck during assembly, Crystal, Xinyuan and I were flaunting our legalness -- socks above ankle, pinafore past knees (SORRY LA WE'RE ALL SHORT CAN), belts near our badges, etc.

So since we were all in RALA, we decided to make up a song about it! Albeit a rather tuneless one, but you get the idea.

Credits go to TK for providing the whole inspiration and the perfect first line, which we absolutely worshipped for the wittiness and amusingness of it all back in Sec2.

Here goes. *clears throat*

We wear stockings,
So we don't get bookings,
We go sleepless,
If we lose our badges.

Our fringes are so short,
We look like we have no hair.
We feel so naked,
If our ankles are bare.*

We think it's best
When our belts're at our chests.
We're such good girls,
Our pinafores are at our ankles.

We button the topmost button,
We tuck in our shirts.
Our pants are really high
And so are our skirts.

Our fingernails are really short
But we think they're so hot.
We wear only earsticks
And bring our ties for assembly every week.

*There was an alternative line for this: 'We feel so we-ird/if our
pinafores don't cover our underwear.' But we decided that it would
imply that most people's pinafores don't cover their underwears, which they do.
I mean they cover their underwear. Not that they do not cover their underwear.
ARGH.

Anyway yeah it's a work in progress. We did the first two stanzas together but I thought it was too short and I added in the last 3. I researched on the school attire rules for this song okay! I couldn't resist adding in the highpants part, even though it's like RGS and all. Highpants are like a universal phenomenon.

In case you're wondering what tune this goes to, it's a pretty much tuneless affair. Sing it to any tune you want, I don't really care. :D I mean it's the cute lyrics that matter right. If I'm not wrong we named it the Sec One Song officially, but "We Wear Stockings" is so much easier to refer to it by.

Credits to TK most of all, and Xinyuan and Crystal for the first two stanzas. :D

toddlers

...are not worth the trouble.

Cavorting with my toddler niece and nephew, even for a couple of hours, has once again left me reeling and considering a vow of celibacy. (Although, admittedly, the fault lies with the kids and not the guy.)

At least I don't have to talk to them. I've heard them talk before and it reminds me horribly of goo. I don't know why, but it DOES and that's the whole point.

And that, in a way, has alienated me from the rest of my maternal family since they all think that toddlers are perfectly adorable and can do no wrong. Thus they happily offer up their backs for donkey rides and their butts for slapping. It sounds vaguely masochistic, and I suppose that's why I chose not to partake in the strange ritual of getting bullied voluntarily. If any toddler came up and treated me like a jungle gym and generally pissed me off, I'd hurl him out the window so hard he wouldn't know what hit him.

You might find me harsh, but until (and if ever) I get kids of my own, I'm sticking to the firm belief that one should not be taken in by the charms of toddlers, which they will, oh, turn on you and make you weak at the knees, upon which they will seize their chance and climb onto you and make you play horsie with them.

I very nearly got taken in by their charms yesterday. The threeyearold Niece and fouryearold Nephew were both sick, and I was deliriously hoping for some peace and quiet and less inane games like CRAYOLA UNLIMITED WOOHOO!!!! However since toddlers were apparently put on this earth to make us pay for our sins or whatnot, they were anything but quiet. They were annoying and whiny. They ran off to climb high up onto a table, onto to come running back sobbing when they discovered that gravity bends for no man and they fell hard onto the concrete floor.

Anyway even playing Blackjack was not safe. We were there gambling and some of us were swearing rather colourfully, but still the Niece and Nephew wandered up and decided that it would be fun to paw at our cards and our heaps of money. If it were up to me I would have slapped their hands and then put them safely in a corner where they could do no harm to our petty gambling, and also learn good moral values instead of hokkien swear words.

But obviously I have no say in the disciplining of the Niece and Nephew, and they were allowed to roam free, turning over cards and upending piles of coins.

Anyway as I was preparing to go home to my safe and toddler-free haven, the Niece ambled out the door behind us and waved bye to us. All the adults immediately melted at her feet; you'd think she'd single-handedly saved a third world country from starvation or something. I thought it was kinda cute, and was almost going to revamp my entire image of her.

--

I woke up this morning, drowning in mucus and with a freshly-sandpapered throat, germs courtesy of the Nephew and Niece. It's kind of lucky they live relatively far from here. Otherwise, I'd have dragged my incapitated self over to their house and clawed their throats out.

Toddlers are evil in disguise. Therefore, we should all do what the author of Gulliver's Travels proposed, and eat them.

How do I eat thee? Let me count the ways.
There's tossed in yusheng, sliced up into tiny raw bits.
I could always roll them up in prawn rolls and pop them in whole.

But I digress. Sigh. I can only hope that I wasn't quite as terrifying as them when I was a toddler.

channel 8

I have a proposal for a hit new Channel 8 drama series: The Little Author.

It shall be set in Shanghai, 1797 and will star a main character called Xie-Li Ma Ri.

The story starts from the day of Ma Ri's birth: her mother, an ardent feminist, dies shortly after giving birth to her. Her father brings her, and her illegitimate half-sister up single handedly for a short period of time. However, Ma Ri's father soon lands himself in debt and thus remarries, a quick-tempered woman who favours her own (also illegitimate) two children above Ma Ri and her sister. Ma Ri soon comes to hate her with a passion.

Ma Ri was educated by her father, who often brought home scholars to, uh, conduct discussions with. Ma Ri falls in love with one of the gayest-looking most dashing and handsome ones: Peh Xi. Peh Xi and Ma Ri (22 and 17 respectively o.O) begin meeting secretly at Ma Ri's late mother's grave, and they declare their everlasting love for each other there, culminating in a kiss that spans 10 episodes.

BUT Ma Ri's father objects to Peh Xi's and Ma Ri's romance, especially since Peh Xi is already married. However, Peh Xi and Ma Ri (whom at this point is already pregnant with Peh Xi's child) elope to France, and bring along one of Ma Ri's illegitimate sisters: Ke Lair. Peh Xi leaves his (also pregnant) wife behind.

The trip uses up all of Peh Xi's and Ma Ri's money and they are forced to turn back. Upon return, Ma Ri discovers that her father has disowned her (cue emotional scence with daughter clutching father's leg and sobbing, while father spits on the ground and kicks her away)

After that, Ma Ri and Peh Xi's relationship worsen, as Peh Xi's wife has given birth to a boy and Peh Xi is overjoyed. Furthermore, Peh Xi is spending more and more time (nudge nudge, wink wink) with Ke Lair. Ma Ri meets Ho Gu, whom she initially dislikes but comes to like. Peh Xi encourages Ma Ri and Ho Gu to become lovers, but Ma Ri's heart belongs only to Peh Xi.

Ma Ri gives birth to her first child, a girl, who is sickly and dies soon after. She is inconsolable, but only for a short while because she gets pregnant AGAIN. Peh Xi has a windfall, and the three of them (Ke Lair, Ma Ri and Peh Xi) travel to Guangdong to spend some time with their mutual friend, Official Bi Run. During this time, Ma Ri starts writing a novel, inspired by a dream and a ghost story competition. It is about a Chinese zombie being called from the dead by an elaborate ritual, and then abandoned.

Additional information and plot thickener: Ke Lair had an affair with Official Bi Run previously and is now pregnant.

However, as in all Channel 8 drama serials, good times must not last for more than 2 consecutive episodes, and another of Ma Ri's illegitimate sisters writes a note to Ma Ri, telling her how depressed she is. Peh Xi is worried for her and immediately rushes off to see her, only to find her dead with a bottle of poison and a suicide note in her hand. Around the same time, Peh Xi's wife commits suicide by jumping into a river, after discovering that she has been made pregnant by a man other than Peh Xi.

Peh Xi and Ma Ri get officially married, and Ma Ri gets pregnant again. Official Bi Run agrees to raise Ke Lair's child, and Peh Xi and Ma Ri go travelling with their own children, seemingly happy.

Well, the children both die. Ma Ri turns to writing to ease her sorrows, although the birth of a fourth child, who is named after Peh Xi, makes her cheer up. They move to Beijing, where Ma Ri gets depressed due to Peh Xi's playboy-ish ways.

Peh Xi soon gets threatening letters from two servants he previously fired, claiming that he made one of them pregnant. He adopts the child, who dies soon afterwards. Ke Lair's child also dies from typhus, and Ma Ri, pregnant for the fifth time, has a miscarriage and almost dies of a massive haemorrhage (?) However, being the main character, she must be immortal and therefore is saved in the nick of time by Peh Xi, who dumps her in a bath of ice to staunch the blood flow.

But despite saving Ma Ri, the couple's relationship did not improve. Peh Xi spent more time with his mistress, Ah Jian, leaving Ma Ri to sink deeper into depression. However, playboys get their retribution, and he drowns on a voyage at sea.

Ma Ri, Official Bi Run, and a foreigner called Trelawney attend his funeral. Official Bi Run asks for Peh Xi's skull, but Trelawney, possibly secretly having a crush on Ma Ri, refuses, since he knows that Official Bi Run only wants to make it into an ashtray or a cup or something equally morbid.

Oh since this is an emotional scene, I shall attempt to give more details:

As Peh Xi's body is being prepared for cremation, Ma Ri remains composed, but as Peh Xi's body is set alight, she suddenly breaks down and starts yelling. Trelawney, wanting badly to help Ma Ri, runs up to the body in slow motion and grabs Peh Xi's heart out of the flames, badly burning his hand. Ignoring the pain, he gallantly presents Peh Xi's heart to Ma Ri, much to the fury of Ah Jian, who is standing near by. Ma Ri keeps Peh Xi's heart in her purse from then on.

After that, Ma Ri is forced to write in order to support herself and her child by writing. She faces many obstacles, like people who want to blackmail her. However, she is *airy voice* a pillar of strength, and overcomes them all. For example, one annoying stalker threatened to publish letters she had sent him, but a friend of her son's, who conveniently happens to be an official, seizes the letters and all is well.

Ma Ri dies at the age of 53 from an untreated brain tumour. Her only son, Peh Xi the second, marries and has a happy marriage. The End.

--

I'm quite sure that "The Little Author" will far exceed the popularity of "The Little Nyonya". It BREAKS OUT OF ALL KNOWN CLICHES YAYYYY!!!! without actually breaking out of any channel 8 cliches.

But the best thing is, it was all based on a true story.

OMG I WANT YDSP.

Sigh.

Maybe I really ought to cut down on wanting things. I mean there's definitely an overload point for everyone and maybe I'm starting to push mine already.

Between SAP, AV EXCO (thus National Camp 09) RALA, NOI, possibly MPP, wanting WEP, maybe wanting OSL, wanting YDSP, something has got to give.

(Interesting sidenote: everything up there is an acronym! Isn't that awesome :O And because it IS a mash of alphabet soup, I'll type it all out nicely: Special Arts Programme, Audio Visual (club) Executive Committee, Raffles Academy Language Arts, National Olympiad in Informatics, Moot Parliament Programme, Work Experience Programme, Overseas Service Learning, Young Defence Scientists Programme (?) Maybe that's why they acronym-ize everything. Typing all that out and then looking at it made me want to faint.)

Anyway I don't want to give any of it up! I mean without stuff to occupy my time I feel very empty, and besides compared to most RGS people I'm already an underachiever. How DO they do it?

I shall steal a quiz from Keyun's blog!

It’s harder than it looks!
Copy and paste to your own journal, erase my answers, and add your own.
Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
They have to be real places, names &/or objects, but nothing made up!
Try to use different answers if the person you got this from has the same 1st initial.
You CAN’T use your name for the boy/girl name question.
And Have Fun With It!!!

1) 4 LETTER WORD: Very.

2) BOY NAME: Victor (LOL)

3) GIRL NAME: Veronica

4) OCCUPATION: Vampire? Or vicar.

5) A COLOR: Violet

6) SOMETHING YOU WEAR: VEGGIES! :D Sorry lor V doesn't exactly give you many choices.

7) BEVERAGE: Vitagen!

8) FOOD: Vicodin. LOL HOUSE.

9) SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: a VIRUS.

10) A PLACE: Vietnam!

11) REASON FOR BEING LATE: Vein exploded. Lots of blood. *cue fainting attack*

12) SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: VITUPERATION!!! :D

Okay actually I dunno why the whole vituperation thing popped into my head. But it's cool! And I'm proud of my *ahem* somewhat coherent answers.

victoria!: HAHAHA what did i tell you! omg everytime we put something regarding an instructor on our pm another one of them comes to ask about it ._. so what did you tell him? :D

keyun: i said... it had sth to do with stetosauruses(?) and he asked me if it was a programming problem :p so i said no, its quite far fetched so don't think about it ^^ it feels great to switch roles hee

HEHE. (:

<3 stegosauruses! :D

I want nobody, nobody but you! *clapclap, clapclap*

If this song weren't so catchy, I'd have slammed it already for its somewhat inane lyrics. But the sheer rhythm of it just screams "BIG HIT!"

"I want nobody, nobody, but joo! *clapclap, clapclap*"

Although I must admit, the lyrics are typical of one of those kinds of songs. Rather committal, and always gushing about eternal love and that sort of thing. They ought to add a disclaimer behind that goes something like "I want nobody, nobody but joo!*

"*Terms and conditions apply: If still single with a ring finger conspicuously bare of a diamond by age 35, will settle for less. For example, a random face I saw in a crowded place."

Speaking of which, WHAT is the appeal of James Blunt?

He's so whiny.

If I were feeling mildly better I would have slammed it, but as of now I'm shang tu xia xie-ing, a common byproduct of stomach flu (Wencen suggested that I should shang tu, and then xia xie, instead of the other way around, for some graphic reasons that I may describe when I feel better) and therefore shall KIV everything until I feel better.

{P.S.: I just reread the post, which is my custom before posting, and realised how horrible it sounds. My blogging standard drops when I'm sick. ): Oh well. }

the allure of forbidden knowledge

The last time Keyun and I were talking on MSN, we were still on a post-NOI-training high and also bored, which is never really a good combination. We started discussing (yes, of all things) our instructors' MSN nicknames and emails ._.

We decided that Daniel's one made the most sense.
Pang Wei's one was the most... hmm. Concise.
Minghan's one was the most bimb.
Zhenghao's one was just plain weird.

So being the nice little curious kids we are, we googled it. Apparently it was Greek (!) for hubris, of all things. The cheemdeepness of all the stuff we found scared us half to death so we decided to embark on a different train of thought.

Daniel's email was weird. We searched it but didn't come up with anything.
Minghan's one was extremely businesslike. Nothing to search there.
Zhenghao's one was typical. Nothing to search there either.
Pang Wei's one was weird. We searched it...

...and discovered that his email is also the name a of game. Specifically, the name of a character in the game-- a "cute little ball of purple fur".

Disturbing.

Yeah so anyway after that Keyun and I gave up googling stuff we didn't know, because we were scared of what we'd find next. More cheemdeep stuff?

And Keyun then said to me: "Next time when you study Frankenstein and the teacher starts talking about the dangers of forbidden knowledge, you'll know what to say: don't google stuff you don't know."

Yeah well anyway she forgot the whole part about how Frankenstein's forbidden-knowledge-creation came back to haunt him.

--

Many days later: I'm sitting in the RALA classroom being intimidated by everyone's accents, and then suddenly the teacher mentions hubris.

I am so stunned I don't talk for the rest of the lesson. Not even when the teacher mentions Faustus.

Hello. Since I'm in a relatively good mood (urm, actually, I'm supposed to be either coding or enjoying life, so I took the enjoying life option. I'll code... later.) I shall give you all a piece of useful advice.

And you know why you should listen to my advice?

Because the last time I tried to persuade Crys to sign up for DMP with me, she refused. But when Josie showed up at DMP one day, she spent super long berating herself.

"WHY OH WHY DID I NOT SIGN UP FOR DMP WITH YOU?! If I sign up now, it'll be too obvious D: D: D:"

And that was the most recent time I've heard "bu ting Vic de yan, chi kui zai yan qian". There may have been more, but I'm lazy to think (why do you think I'm not coding -_-) and therefore it shall be so.

Anyway, if you have a blister, you shouldn't burst it, even if it's tempting to.

Yeah. That's it. Will either go code or- *yawn* sleep. Probably sleep. I have freaking third lang until 6:45 tomorrow.

I'll work on the code tomorrow. During freeblock. Or the 3 hours between dismissal and 3rdlang. ): But I'm lazy to lug my laptop around...

Ah well. I'll write it out, and face 430 compile errors, if I have to, I will.

smokers suck

Are you sick of smokers blowing stinky, asthma-inducing, lung cancer-causing smoke into your face whenever you walk past?

Well, fret not! I, after months and months of careful research and planning, have come up with a solution! The NO-SMOKE-ANATOR! Or maybe the WHO'S-COUGHING-NOW-ANATOR! I dunno, anything that sounds Doofensmfirtz-ish.

Here, let me explain the relatively simple process of how the NO-SMOKE-ANATOR or the WHO'S-COUGHING-NOW-ANATOR works, with the aid of some badly drawn drawings of stickmen.

#1: Find a smelly smoker. Can usually be found lurking on the sidewalks at Orchard Road, or 5m from the entrances of buildings, competing to blow the most secondhand smoke into the lobby.
(Sidenote: The smoke is not in greenblackwhite just because I'm from RGS. The white smoke just shows how... well, smoke is white. Black is because cigarette smoke causes cancer. And green is because it just smells bad.)

#2: The NO-SMOKE-ANATOR or the WHO'S-COUGHING-NOW-ANATOR will extend it's extendable arm and grab the smoker. The cigarette will then be put out by an extendable hose (not in picture)

#3: Smelly smoker will be transferred to a small room with bad ventilation, and many many many many MANY boxes of cigarettes. (Lazy to draw. Sorry lor.) The only air entering the room will be from a small aircon, which takes the original air from the room itself.

#4: Smelly smoker will probably take the bait after awhile and start smoking the many many many MANY boxes of cigarettes. Puff puff puff.

#5: As the aircon's rate of pumping air into the room will be slower than the rate of the smoking (we'll make sure of it by calculating the time taken to fill the room with smelly smoke, at the rate the smelly smoker is smoking) soon the entire room will be filled with white smoke, black cancer-causing smoke, and green just-plain-smelly smoke.

Unless the smelly smoker is really thick, it should be enough to put him off for life. And if it doesn't, the carcinogens in the air will halve the time taken to get lung cancer and he'll shrivel up and die. Never mind. One smoker down anyway.

Of course, the NO-SMOKE-ANATOR or the WHO'S-COUGHING-NOW-ANATOR will only be directed at smelly smokers who smoke out in the street where many people can smell it (ie being a general health hazard/public nuisance)

Now, anyone want to sponsor me to build it?

(c) copyrighted Victoria Yeow, 5.1.2008.

first aid

I feel like I've achieved the pinnacle of self-actualization: the ability to perform first aid on oneself! Yay me! *clap clap clap*

Anyway, back when I was in Red Cross, the first aid lessons always bugged me because I was (and still am, actually) a selfish person and I hated not being able to do stuff for myself. Okay that doesn't make much sense, but maybe an example will help.

Sure, I know what to do if someone gets stabbed (pile on the ring bandages, baby) but what if I get stabbed? Do I have to sit around with a knife in my innards, moaning piteously until help in the form of another first aider arrives?

I hated the feeling of being so helpless. Plus I wouldn't want to see the newspapers have a field day reporting stuff like, "First aider dies of stab wound LOL". Therefore, disenchanted and disillusioned, I quit Red Cross and set off the explore the world on foot.

Nah, I'm just kidding. About the exploring the world on foot part. I mean like c'mon, I hate physical exertion. And I think exploring the world would be pretty boring. But I DID quit Red Cross.

And because my skin is exceedingly sensitive to bug bites and sunlight (whooo ezcema!) I was forced by circumstances to learn how to apply basic first aid to myself. ); *cue teary gaze off into the distance*

But to cut a long story short... it worked. Yay I just finished dressing the rashes/blisters caused by the latest bug bite/ sunlight exposure, and to make things better, ONE OF THEM WAS ON MY BACK :D

YES. I have not only mastered the art of administering first aid to myself, but also dressing wounds on my BACK. (:

Perhaps some more accomplished Red Crossers here are scoffing, but hey, it's harder than it actually seems. :/ Well, to me at least.

And as insignificant as dressing wounds on your back may seem, it really helps alot when you manage to dress and clean your own stitches and not have to rely on other people to do it for you. Blisters/rashes, too.

One step closer to being fully self-reliant. (: It's only a short jump from there to mountain top hobo then. Yay! :D