My memory is a bit hazy on this but I do remember that I never actually told you I loved you- and at the risk of looking back on this when I'm old and crumbly and possibly dying in my 1-room apartment with the many cats that will eventually eat my body, I'm going to say, that for what it's worth, and for all that's happened between then and now, and for however long it was, I loved you, I think. In Sunday's paper they said something about how loving someone makes you strive for higher things, so as to become someone worthy of their affection, and I guess that makes sense. I felt like I wanted to become someone better, and that I could become someone better with you, so I guess we'll say that it was love. They also say that when you're in love you'll just know, but I don't- though I'll say that being in love and loving someone are two somewhat different things- but it's possible that KI ruined me, so third time lucky: I loved you.

When you hear about this sort of thing, it seems almost expected that you should post something about it, but I've already posted things on FB today, and I'm not that close to her- though now it seems almost vulgar that things like these should come into consideration.

I'm a bit surprised, really; I hadn't seen her around for a while but as I said previously, I wasn't -that- close to her so it didn't really cross my mind at all. Am I feeling sad? I think I am, because after all she was a fun person to talk to, and she was so young and she seemed fine.

But I am a bit disturbed. Listening to all the testimonials during meetings and stuff makes you feel almost invincible- like anything could be overcome so long as you prayed hard enough and kept your faith strong. And she was a member too, so I'd assumed that it would work for her and she would be cured from her ailment and it would be just another testimonial in the long line of those who had triumphed before her...

What I am saying, I think, is that human life is just so fragile, and I am suddenly scared for everyone I know and love. I am fortunate enough to only have experienced 5 deaths- 2 of whom were people I didn't actually know- but it's the ones you know that scare you. I think of the survivors I know, and I used to believe that since they'd survived once it would only be logical that they'd survive again, but this scares me a bit.

I will pray for you- we will meet again in your next life. Until then-