smokers suck

Are you sick of smokers blowing stinky, asthma-inducing, lung cancer-causing smoke into your face whenever you walk past?

Well, fret not! I, after months and months of careful research and planning, have come up with a solution! The NO-SMOKE-ANATOR! Or maybe the WHO'S-COUGHING-NOW-ANATOR! I dunno, anything that sounds Doofensmfirtz-ish.

Here, let me explain the relatively simple process of how the NO-SMOKE-ANATOR or the WHO'S-COUGHING-NOW-ANATOR works, with the aid of some badly drawn drawings of stickmen.

#1: Find a smelly smoker. Can usually be found lurking on the sidewalks at Orchard Road, or 5m from the entrances of buildings, competing to blow the most secondhand smoke into the lobby.
(Sidenote: The smoke is not in greenblackwhite just because I'm from RGS. The white smoke just shows how... well, smoke is white. Black is because cigarette smoke causes cancer. And green is because it just smells bad.)

#2: The NO-SMOKE-ANATOR or the WHO'S-COUGHING-NOW-ANATOR will extend it's extendable arm and grab the smoker. The cigarette will then be put out by an extendable hose (not in picture)

#3: Smelly smoker will be transferred to a small room with bad ventilation, and many many many many MANY boxes of cigarettes. (Lazy to draw. Sorry lor.) The only air entering the room will be from a small aircon, which takes the original air from the room itself.

#4: Smelly smoker will probably take the bait after awhile and start smoking the many many many MANY boxes of cigarettes. Puff puff puff.

#5: As the aircon's rate of pumping air into the room will be slower than the rate of the smoking (we'll make sure of it by calculating the time taken to fill the room with smelly smoke, at the rate the smelly smoker is smoking) soon the entire room will be filled with white smoke, black cancer-causing smoke, and green just-plain-smelly smoke.

Unless the smelly smoker is really thick, it should be enough to put him off for life. And if it doesn't, the carcinogens in the air will halve the time taken to get lung cancer and he'll shrivel up and die. Never mind. One smoker down anyway.

Of course, the NO-SMOKE-ANATOR or the WHO'S-COUGHING-NOW-ANATOR will only be directed at smelly smokers who smoke out in the street where many people can smell it (ie being a general health hazard/public nuisance)

Now, anyone want to sponsor me to build it?

(c) copyrighted Victoria Yeow, 5.1.2008.