templates for angry letters

#1: The Jane Austen Angry Letter.

"Dear (insert recipient here),
I am currently penning this letter to express my severe unhappiness in your (insert service here). It is with much distaste that I report (insert incident here). I sincerely hope that my comments will be addressed and thus corrected to prevent further recurrences of such unpleasantries. Thank you for your prompt and correct attention.

Yours sincerely,
(insert writer's name here)"

#2: The Angry Angry Letter.

"Dear (insert recipient here),
What the *bleep* is *bleeping* wrong with your (insert service here)? I had to *bleeping* put up with your *bleep* (insert incident here. Punctuate with *bleep*s.) My *bleeping* comments had *bleep* well be addressed or I'll personally drag my *bleep* self over there and shove your *bleeping* (insert service here) up your *bleeping* (insert orifice here). *Bleep* you and your *bleep bleep bleep* (insert serivce here).

*Bleep*
(insert writer's name here)"

Sigh. Conceived on one of those tired 156 bus journeys home with Crystal. Not one of the better posts, but then again it's better than nothing and I am not a puppet of pop culture D:

Credits to today's RALA lesson and a discussion on angry letters for the sad post today.